Memoirs of a Bard Week 3 - The Return to Shavalant, and a Very Interesting Warforged

An excerpt from the journal of Duncan the Bard -

Having successfully defended the town from bandits, our group was divided on the question of what to do next. Some were in favor of finding the lair of the owlbears we fought earlier while the rest of us, the more reasonable ones, wanted to get back to town.

Snap was in favor of going after the owlbears. I, of course, was not. Honestly, why would we go looking to kill animals that never hurt anyone needlessly and scrounge around in the decaying pockets of the dead for treasure when we’re got a chest to be opened? The old man just doesn’t think these things through.

After much debate, the group finally listened to me and we decided to take the chest from the bandits’ den and go back to town. I was generous enough to offer use of my wagon to transport the thing. After expertly talking the sheriff out of sending guards with me, I returned to our meeting place. Dag and Henrietta were helpful enough to carry the trunk to the road.

The guards let us in without any hassle.

Having gotten the chest safely into the city, our group parted ways for the evening, leaving Snap and I to look after the chest. It was so late that the rest of the town was already asleep, but we noticed that the smithy in town was still open and decided to take the chest to see if we could get it open. The smith we encountered was a fascinating Warforged named Q who said he prefers working late. He gets his best work done when the town is sleeping, he said.

He seemed sad. Said he used to be an adventurer himself, but he didn’t solve a puzzle fast enough and his companions died because of it. I wonder what he meant by that. Kind enough man, he opened the chest for free because of the time we saved him by going to take care of the bandit camp ourselves. Said he would have done it if we hadn’t. He’s making something so I can get in touch with him in the future, should the need arise. I wish he could join Snap and I in our journeys, but he seems to be content staying where he is.

We regrouped in the morning to open the chest (Snap and I having been good enough to wait for everyone else before opening the chest). Inside, we found –

-          A set of gloves, masterfully made with runes embossed into them in White, Red, Black, Green and Blue thread.

-          A necklace with a Stag Beetle encased in Amber as the medallion.

-          A silver Pearl, An Aquamarine, and a Lapis Lazuli

-          A Golden Chalice set with three Rubies,

-          400 gold coins, 1500 silver coins, and a letter of credit from House Kundarak for 500g.

Throwback Thursday - The Princess Bride (1987)

I have a lot of fond memories involving The Princess Bride. It was the first "grown up" movie my grandma would let me watch back when she was picking me up after school every day. When I was in college, I met my closest friends during a movie night watching The Princess Bride. We then proceeded to watch it nearly every day for a year, and it is still in the lineup for movies we watch when we get together. The Covenant (2006) also continues to make a frequent appearance.
Not bad for a movie was made the year I was born. So what is it about that movie that makes it timeless? I think there's a few factors.
For me, there's two main reasons. One is Inigo Montoya (played by Mandy Patinkin). Inigo is a mercenary on a quest for vengeance, and he is the most sympathetic character in the movie. Westley (played by Cary Elwes) and the central love story combine into the second reason. Seriously, who doesn't love the Dread Pirate Roberts? He's a swashbuckling pirate, a brilliant strategist and, to top it all off, has a heart of gold - believes in true love, remained loyal to one woman during a five-year separation and even came back from the dead just to be with the one he loves (with a little bit of help from Miracle Max, Valerie, Inigo and Fezzik).
Of course that kind of thing doxesn't happen in real life, but that's part of what makes this a timeless film - no matter how old you are, you willingly suspend belief for an hour and a half because the world of swashbucklers, true love, giants and miracles is so attractive. I can't say I'd want to give up the luxuries for modern life forever, but for just a little while? Absolutely. 
The special effects hold up, mostly because there aren't many. Digital special effects age fast, and bad effects can be jarring. They age a movie faster than anything else. But the effects in The Princess Bride are mostly mechanichal and physical stunts rather than  computer generated. They're always going to look real because they are real. That adds to the film's timeless quality.
As much as I love talking about old movies that's not the entire reason behind this post. I've got a bit of trivia that people don't seem to remember. 
The Princess Bride was based on a book by the same name. 
This is an example of a book-to-film adaptation done absolutely right.
The book was published in 1973 by William Goldman, who is credited as the screenwriter for the film. And you know what? It's amazing. It's presented as a literary version of a found footage film, with his fictional account of abridging the book from its original version. The chapters are interspersed with his fictional account of deciding to abridge the book, the trials and tribulations of doing it (from creative and legal perspectives) and the eventual publication of the book. 
I've loved this movie since I was a kid and it's still one of my favorites. But nobody ever seems to talk about the book, and that's a shame because it's as well done as the movie. Did you ever want to know why Westley left Buttercup to begin with? Did you ever want to know what Buttercup did when he left and how she came to be engaged to Prince Humperdink? How about the backstories for Inigo and Fezzik? It's all in there. All of it.
I like the book's version of Buttercup a little better. She's still a damsel in distress, but she has a more active role in her life. She has a family. Westley worked on her family's farm and they  grew up together. You actually get to see the two of them falling in love, more so in Buttercup's case. You get motivations for the characters, which can be difficult to get across in film.
If you haven't seen The Princess Bride, what are you waiting for? You can get it free from your library! And while you're at it, see if you can find a copy of the book. This is the only time I will ever give this piece of advice, but read it after you see the movie. 

Memoirs of a Bard - The Team Finishes Off the Bandit Camp

Due to a snowstorm, I had to miss the second week of our campaign. Luckily, our Dungeon Master, Cullen, wrote the summary below.

***

"Someone managed to find Duncan's journal, and the excerpt regarding the last adventure follows:

As we set off into the forest in search of the bandits, I couldn't help but feel like this could be the prologue to a tale for the ages. A rag-tag band of adventures brought together by misfortune to save the village from marauding bandits and the world from certain doom. And judging by the prowess of these four strangers, following them could inspire tales beyond number.

This feeling was only strengthened when we dispatched those two Owlbears with such ease. They couldn't even land a single blow, although there was that close call when one of them almost grabbed Dag in it's deadly embrace, only to be heroically thwarted by a thrust of Henrietta's shield.  Of course I directed the brilliant tactics that the group used, and inspired them to truly heroic deeds with my brilliance and charm.  Snap got the killing blow on the first Owlbear, and would NOT shut up about it.  It didn't matter that Henrietta and Dag had clobbered it silly by that point.  The party swarmed the second Owlbear and brought it down with ease, following my inspired leadership.

We then waited for a while as Steve had to find the trail again, having been thrown off by the scent of Owlbear blood.  Of course he did eventually find the trail again, and off we went.  No more than an hour later, as dusk fell, we found the bandit camp.  As I drew up the battle plans and described the tactics, Snap kept insisting that he would throw a shroud at them or some other nonsense.  I swear that anachronistic lunatic will drive me mad one day.  

So, we engaged a classic pincher movement against the feeble bandit camp, and executed a marvelous ambush, with Steve quietly taking out the forward scout while Snap was finally useful!  He cast some sort of party trick that covered the whole bandit camp in motes of brilliant stardust.  Two of the bandits were instantly struck blind, the other two were so startled and confused that by the time they noticed us, Dag and Henrietta charged from the forest and cut them down.  But alas!  Foul trickery was the nature of the bandits game, for there was a hidden bandit in a pitiful tree stand.  The ragamuffin struck Dag a terrible blow, planting an arrow with perfect precision right betwixt the giant's shoulders!  Of course, Dag is no mere mortal, and weathered the shaft that would have felled a lesser man.  Snap filled the pathetic treehouse with foul smoke to provide some cover whilst I quickly redirected my allies to a more tactical position.  Jesepi came to Dag's rescue and ensured that the wound would not be fatal, while Henrietta and Steve both waylaid the remaining bandits and began to combat the deceitful sniper.  Meanwhile, Snap almost got his fool self killed again, misfiring his crossbow while falling on a tree stump right in front of a bandit that almost clove him in twain.

While Henrietta puzzled out a method to destroy the frail structure, Steve continued to harry the occupant that was causing us such consternation.  Snap was saved from the bandit by Dag once again; and so brought his staggering intellect to bear on the situation, vis a vis the elevated combatant.  Finally Steve's uncanny aim finished off our foe, and brought to light a deficiency in this band's capabilities.  I must find a method to increase our combat prowess at a distance, afore a similar opponent spells our doom.  Perhaps I will describe to my team this need and we can draw party funds together for some wands of arcane destruction.  After all, it was quite a haul we found in the bandit camp.

End journal entry."

After dispatching the bandits, the group ransacked the camp and grabbed the locked chest from the tree-house.

The chest has not yet been opened, but in the tree house, various pouches and bedrolls, and taken from the bandits bodies, the group found:

A set of thieves tools (lockpicks, hooks, crooked wires, etc.)
4 thunderstones,
a Masterwork shortbow,
a masterwork studded leather armor (medium sized),
a suit of full plate armor(medium sized),
10 gold, 500 silver and a moonstone.

The bandits were all human.

Music Video - "Take me to Church" by Hozier

I've seen music videos that are amazing, I've seen music videos that are confusing. I've seen music videos that are just terribly done and do not match the song in question at all. But I think this is the first time a music video has actually upset me.
Music videos are a very interesting medium, and my favorites are the ones that tell a story. Because the ability to convey a coherent plot line in a typically three to five minute time span with very little, if any, dialogue is a challenge that the most well done videos rise to. It takes a delicate blend of the right actors, the right atmosphere and the right imagery to compliment and enhance a song. 'I'm not a fan of those music videos where there is a huge tonal difference between what's on the screen and what's coming out of the speakers. I really liked "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry when it came out because it  was a bit dark sounding, a little more adult than what I normally heard from her on the radio. Then the music video came out, and it was all bright colors and kind of ridiculous. It would have been better served by something a little more serious, a little more adult. But I digress.
The music video for "Take me to Church" by Hozier is an example of a music video done right. It's definitely in my Top 20 list for music videos, in addition to being on my shitlist for making me cry.
The video came at me from two angles - emotionally and intellectually - and it hit hard.
Let me address the emotional aspect first. The video centers around a gay couple and the anger they face from their community because of their relationship. The video alternates between intimate moments establishing the couple's relationship and ones of the men trying and failing to hide a locked box from an angry gang. They find him and and the box, and the next scene has them dragging him to a bonfire and throwing the box in the flames. Meanwhile,  his boyfriend comes home and finds their home ransacked and him missing, then runs throughout the neighborhood, trying to find him.
The video ends with the runner finding the gang kicking his boyfriend on the ground next to the bonfire.
Here's where I start over-thinking everything and this video becomes an intellectual challenge for me. I came away with two major questions - what was in the box and what happened next? There's a difference between having a little bit of mystery, which is common with music videos because of how short they are, and leaving the viewer feeling like they're watching an unfinished product. And that's that I felt like when this ended. I even looked up different uploads of the same video on YouTube because I thought maybe the last half-minute was cut off. I did Google searches to find the answers. There were none.
I could handle not knowing what was in the box. Actually, that's a mystery I can support because it allows the viewer to use their imagination and make it something important to them. But leaving me hanging on whether the man who got kidnapped is alive or dead? Leaving me not knowing whether his boyfriend tried to save him or ran away before the gang saw him? Not cool. This video got me invested in their relationship and then cuts out at a pivotal moment, and that's a failure in story telling.
All I can hope for is a sequel video in the future to answer my questions. And I'm really hoping there's a happy ending. Because if I end up crying again. I give up on Hozier and his music.

Watch the video for yourself - www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSVMgRr6pw.

Memoirs of a Bard - Shavalant Comes Under Attack

Hello! This is my newest posting category - Memoirs of a  Bard. Inspired by my very first Dungeons and Dragons campaign (which just started), this will follow the adventures of Duncan (my character, a bard), Snap, Henrietta, Steve, Dag and Jesepi.

A little bit of background - about 10 minutes before midnight on Dec. 31, 2014, a friend of mine sent me a text reading "Do you have any interest in Dungeons and Dragons? Thought I'd try to get the nerdiest question of the year in right under the line." I told her I'd never played, but I was interested. So she introduced me to her group, I created my first character (a bard named Duncan) and they've been patiently teaching my how to play. Being a bard, I thought it was only natural that I start keeping the weekly log for our adventures!

***

Dungeons and Dragons Week 1

Shavalant Comes Under Attack

Taken from the local Shavalant newspaper

It was a bad news for the town of Shavalant when the monthly fair day was interrupted by a well-coordinated bandit attack, ending in looting and several deaths.

The day started out normally enough – the fair was in full swing outside the city gates. Wandering performers Snap and Duncan wowed audiences with their performance, taking in three gold for the day, though Duncan soon found the people of Shavalant are slightly unwilling to open up to outsiders. Despite trying to strike up conversations, all he could find out was the basics of the city – it’s a fishing village whose primary import is salt and export is, amazingly, fish. A quarter of the population work at the fish house, and there is no large scale agriculture. The town has a problem with knolls.

The most intriguing piece of news Duncan got was that there is a new resident in Shavalant – Q, a living tin-man who opened a new smithy.

It was around mid-day when the attack began, with archers hidden in the forest began shooting at civilians, hitting one of the archers protecting the wall of the city. Ten bandits then revealed themselves and began threatening the townsfolk and merchants at the fair. A group of six brave individuals - Steve, Henrietta, Dag, Jesepi, Snap and Duncan – helped stop the attack.

Steve, Henrietta and Dag were the most successful in helping quell the initial threat. Dag alone killed three bandits and saved Duncan in the process. Duncan had been inefficiently fighting with a bandit using a rapier. He might have been more effective with a letter opener, because he certainly couldn't have done worse.

The elderly Snap may have killed a civilian by accident while shooting at one of the bandits (details are a bit fuzzy and the old man denies ever being there), but it is known for sure that he cast a web spell in the middle of the fair, snaring a number of carts and one bandit, just missing a second and Duncan.

Once the initial threat was stopped, the adventurers and two guards began making their way to the archers in the trees, five in all. Duncan cast a spell to send a ghostly-copy of Dag in ahead of everyone else, drawing some enemy fire before everyone else charged in.

An enemy warblade then joined the fray and proved to be a challenge, nearly killing Jesepi, who took him on singlehandedly at first.

Steve took on the archers, going down the line of trees and taking them out one at a time. Henrietta did her fair share, helping to ultimately defeat the warblade and taking out a couple of the archers herself.

Dag was slightly less successful in taking on the archers – he jumped into a tree twice to take an archer on face-to-face and was kicked out of the tree twice. Showing signs of frustration, he began attacking the tree directly with his battle-axe. Luckily for the tree, which would not have stood long against Dag’s might, was Steve soon dispatched the archer.

Snap was missing during the early part of the battle with the archers. Reports say he was liberating the corpses of the bandits of their ill-gotten loot, obtaining five scrolls in the process. He returned his attention to the battle long enough to save Jesepi from the warblade by using Baleful Transportation to switch the warblade and a guard. Through the combined efforts of Henrietta, Duncan and two brave guards (one of whom was killed, the other was injured but is still alive), the warblade was knocked unconscious.

Following the battle, Jesepi relieved the still-unconscious warblade of his weapon. Snap took his purse, which held six gold. Snap chose to keep the purse but took no gold. Duncan and Jesepi each got two gold and Steve, Dag and Henrietta all got one gold. Duncan also acquired a crossbow from a fallen enemy archer, 10 bolts and a boot knife.

The adventurers handed the warblade over to the sheriff and Jesepi persuaded her that they deserve a reward for their efforts. The sheriff agreed, and took the group to talk to the mayor, who was in his usual spot drinking at the inn. He told them that the town has little money, but sent them to a local shaman, who healed them of their injuries and send them on their way.

These brave individuals were last seen heading back into the woods to track down the main bandit camp.

Throwback Thursday - Pokemon Red

I'm not a gamer. The only games I play are Mario Kart and Mario Party on my friend's Wii when I visit her in Pennsylvania. So, when my friend's boyfriend was telling me about Twitch Plays Pokemon a few months ago, I looked it up and thought it was a very interesting social experiment. I was sorry I didn't know about it when it was going on, but I don't frequent Twitch. And that was the last thought I gave to it. Then I went home for Christmas break and found my 17-year-old Gameboy color and my Pokemon Red game. It was the first video game I remember owning, it was the game used in the very first Twitch Plays Pokemon experiment and I really wanted to see if it's all I remember it to be.
Long story short - here's my opinion of a nearly 20 year old game.
The game play is pretty easy, which is not surprising considering it's a decade old children's game. The mazes and puzzles were my favorite parts, mostly because it was fun to see how much I actually remembered and where I got stuck.
This game doesn't deal kindly with people who don't like grinding, which I really don't. I like fighting other trainers, but not the wild Pokemon I found in the grass. Maybe it's some deep rooted sense of victory I get when I beat somebody, even if that somebody is a computer. Or, more likely, because wild Pokemon don't give you money for winning.
That brings me to the story itself here a little bit - this is an interesting society in the game. People walk around with thousands of dollars in their pocket, get into fights often, use small animals to fight for them, and willingly reward the victor out of their own pocket. There seems to be a distinctive lack of police and little by way of technology that doesn't revolve around Pokemon. The most interesting device is the Pokemon storage system and the Pokeballs. They can take living, breathing animals qne transform them into electronic data and back, all without any apparent harm to the Pokemon.
But there are no motor vehicles, airplanes, or really any of the technology we take for granted. They have bikes, Pokemon that fly and Pokemon that swim. That's the best you get by way of transportation other than by foot. It's a very interesting fictional culture. But I digress. This post is about the game, not about the little society I found in it.
Did I enjoy my blast from the past? Absolutely. And I think it's a testament to the old Gameboys that mine was still fully functional after so many years. All it needed was AA batteries.
I also have Pokemon Silver and Gold, which also haven't been touched in about a decade. Maybe you'll see a throwback post about those too sometime!

To read more about Twitch Plays Pokemon, visit en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitch_Plays_Pokemon.

Now Playing - Into the Woods

This review took me a while to get around to. I saw Into the Woods when I was in Michigan for Christmas, wrote the draft of this review, then promptly lost the draft. Because I'm a derp.
This movie has some pacing problems. The first half rushed by at breakneck speed and didn't slow down until the second half, when the movie hit its stride. The first part could have easily been a half hour longer to give the audience a chance to know the characters better and the movie would not have suffered. Maybe if they had been given a little more development, I would have cared about the fate of Cinderella's mother and stepsisters. I can normally tolerate comic relief characters, but those three had absolutely no purpose. They didn't do anything to contribute to the story, and their parts dragged on far too long. I think the film makers were just trying to get their money's worth out of Christine Baranski (the evil stepmother), and they really didn't need to.
Along with seeing too much of some characters, others weren't given the attention they needed. Suffering from this oversight the most were the princes, played by Chris Pine (Cinderalla's Prince) and Billy Magnussen (Rapunzel's Prince). They had one spectacularly hammy, melodramatic song together and Chris Pine had the best line in the movie - "I was raised to be charming, not sincere."
That's telling, not showing! That kind of line is the laziest type of storytelling. Give me a flashback, give me a few minutes in the castle, show me how that line is true or don't include it!
Despite a few flaws, I really liked this movie. I love musicals. When I'm not in a movie theater (I do have SOME tact) musicals become an interactive experience. I sing along, usually loudly. And among my favorite musicals is Tim Burton's Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, which is why another of my favorite characters was Little Red Riding Hood's wolf. I saw a lot of similarities between Johnny Depp's performances in Sweeny Todd and Into the Woods. I found myself humming "These Are My Friends" from Sweeny Todd during his one musical sequence. I wish Johnny Depp had had a little more screen time.
The two child actors in the movie, Lilla Crawford (Little Red Riding Hood) and Daniel Huttlestone (Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk) were phenomenal. Usually it's hit or miss with kids in a movie, but these two turned out solid performances. I especially liked Crawford's duet with Depp. Lesser actors would have gotten lost and overshadowed by Depp, but Crawford didn't.
The only character I didn't understand at all was Cinderella (played by Anna Kendrick). She was likable enough, but I didn't really buy her motivations.She could have bailed on her stepmother anytime she wanted, and I really don't know why she would stay. But I have that issue with pretty much any Cinderella, and unlike your normal Cinderella, she has magic of her own. The one time I was completely on her side was when she dumped her prince after he chested on her. But then, who marries a guy they've only known for three days?
The rest of the characters, the songs and the overall story were well done. Meryl Streep (the witch), James Corden (the baker) and Emily Blunt (the baker's wife) all turned out solid performances. I just wish I had gotten to know them better, Which brings me back to my first, and biggest, problem with this film - the pacing was dreadful.
Disney normally does musicals well and this one is no exception. The music was catchy, there were no huge plot holes, and it turned out to be a good movie. I just think it could have easily been a half hour longer and not suffered at all.

Throwback Thursday - Ghostbusters (1984)

More than 30 years late, I finally saw the first Ghostbusters movie the other day. In my defense, it first came out three years before it was born, but still. I love horror movies. Especially horror-comedy. So I should have seen this before.
I was inspired to see it by the Nostalgia Critic's "Top 11 Things You Never Noticed in Ghostbusters."
The first thing I noticed is how short the film is. It's only an hour and a half long, which I think was standard in the 1980s and 1990s. I don't think (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) that the three-hour marathon movies became more common place until the 2000s, most notably with Tiantic. I know of a few westerns that came close to the three-hour mark (notably the 1958 movie The Big Country), but that's about it.
Personally, I don't think shorter movies are bad. In a two and a half or three hour movie, there will inevitably be parts that drag. Of course you need exposition, and of course there will be quiet moments while characters talk. That's necessary. It gives the audience a break and makes the action scenes more exciting. But you shouldn't be bored just because something isn't exploding in the background. Ghostbusters was one of a handful of movies that keep the audience engaged the entire time. More recent films I can thing of that do the same are The Guardians of the Galaxy and The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies.
This movie is hilarious. The writing is tight and the characters are sympathetic. I even found myself liking the bad guy! I can safely say Ghostbusters made it to the top of the short list of Bill Murray movies I can stand. 
One of my favorite characters was the secretary, Janine Melnitz (played by Annie Potts). She's calm in the face of chaos, she takes no nonsense and she's not afraid to make her crush on Egan very obvious. All I could think  was "that's me! That is so totally me!" If I like a guy, or even if I think he's cute, I don't flirt shyly and hope he picks up on it. I talk to him. I get up in his space. I make him realize I exist. I'm a friggin sledgehammer in the most awkward way possible. And it's very nice to see that represented in a movie. I'm not alone! (I am, however, still single. Don't take my advice.)
And poor Sigourney Weaver! Between aliens and ghosts, the woman can not catch a break. 
The CGI effects were actually extremely innovative. I especially liked the librarian ghost and the proton-streams. The whole point of CGI is to make something that doesn't exist feel plausible, and this movie succeeded. Next time I'm in New York, I'll definitely be on the lookout for ghosts!
There were so many ways this film could have been a complete flop, but it ended up spawning a sequel, two animated cartoon series and a handful of videogames. That doesn't happen unless a film has done something right (and made money, of course). So, why has this movie stayed so popular for so long? I think it has a lot to do with what I said earlier about the characters and the writing. They suck you in. You begin thinking the whole scenario is believable, you want to be there and at the end of the movie you are still invested in the characters and want to see how things turned out.
If you haven't seen Ghostbusters, go check it out! It's definitely worth it. You don't even have to spend any money - you can borrow it for free at your local library like I did.
To see the review that inspired this post, visit channelawesome.com.